i have an odd swarm of thoughts in my head. i am thinking about so many different people tonight. my husband and sisters...old high school friends...new friends from my new church...other church people that i just met tonight, and their families that i learned about...and my friends from my old church. yikes. i have all these prayer requests fighting for space, a list of things to do budging in line, the beginning of a novel tugging at my curiousity, and a Bible verse that needs to fit in somewhere. like i said, it's a swarm.

i can't believe it's only tuesday. in some ways, it was the worst and best day i've had in a long time.



the soundtrack right now:
"so this is the new year...and i don't feel any different."

sometimes i just don't get it. why do such horribly uncaring people exist, and why must i have contact with them?

on one hand, i know things will be more resolved soon. august at the latest.

on the other hand, if an opportunity arises sooner, why so many roadblocks?

on a third hand [if you are an octopus], i know things could be so much worse.

on the fourth, i want to be selfish and think my problems are oh-so-important.

well, to me, they are. it's affecting my life. and others close to me.

anyways. i need to focus on the positive things: our beautiful new apartment, only about 20 more days of school, having enough money to survive with a few perks, my sister coming to visit soon, bible study starting next week. those thoughts make me smile.





[and yes i know that octopi don't really have hands.]

I love getting back in touch with old friends. It's amazing how things just fall back into place as if you were never apart. Even if you haven't spoken in seven years.

napoleon wants to say 'hi.'

he lays around the house like this daily. oh, to be a cat.

i feel like i should post. there is so much to say, i don't know where to begin.

this is going to be random.

i love my new house. and being with my husband again. and feeling a little bit more normal. what the heck am i doing next year? i can't decide what job i want. photographer, author. such hard careers to begin. i'm going to work on both of those this summer. i still can't shake this feeling of being so alone. it has nothing to do with andrew, it's just lack of time with friends, lack of closeness with other women, besides my twin, but since she is not here, i really need a 'bff.' ha. just someone i can really rely on, and who makes time for me. hopefully this summer will help, with time at least. and that new church, which we should be going to again on sunday, that is full of promise. i should have gone to church tonight. jazz and church and old friends, what more could i want? but instead i stayed home and worked in the house, and i feel good about what i accomplished. it's been hanging over my head all week and now it is done. i love tangible results. 2 more hours until andrew gets home. so sad. i will try to stay awake but the chance of that actually happening is about 7%. but an A for effort, right? and not an A-, haha. what a stupid idea to have minuses count against your GPA, sorry about that Jen!

ok this is the most ridiculous post ever. but those are the thoughts in my head for now.

i'd rather think about these things than remember that i have to run a 3 1/2 hour workshop on tuesday morning...oh my.

i think i have a problem with working. in general. i have a very low burnout rate. 2 years and i am ready to move on. why is that? am i abnormal? i suppose maybe i haven't found my true calling, though i am on the fringe. i know what i love, and what i don't. i love children's and YA lit. and helping people research and find stuff [which i don't really get to do anymore, except on a minute and goofy basis]. i don't, however, love teaching all day. at least not this age group.

it's raining and it sounds so beautiful right now.

i'm going now to read and enjoy the music provided by nature.