a crowded mind

my sister
my other sister
my parents
myself
all dealing with a terrible thing

my husband
the distance between us as i wait to join him in a new city
the struggles at his new job
the email i received today announcing the vacancy i created
the *@#! book fair

the move
leaving my friends for the past four years
leaving my students
leaving the ocean, the east coast
mostly just leaving

change
finding a new job
interviewing
being the new kid for the millionth time
trying to make a good impression
spending hours on paperwork
.
.
.
these are the thoughts that fight for space in my mind and break free in the form of tears. i'm so excited, so terrified, so devastated, so thrilled, so nostalgic, so scared, so nervous, so exhilarated.

inheriting my mother's 'crying genes' is so not helpful right now.

i long for april 30. better yet, september 30.