it's official. i am an internet stalker. i got my certificate and member badge in the mail today.

the board meeting should be starting soon. it's funny how i keep forgetting about it. i think really i am just trying to block it from my thoughts so that i am not terribly nervous. do i have reason to doubt?

a friend of mine who has been seriously dating a man for over a year ended the relationship last week. we all thought she would be getting engaged a week ago and then planning the wedding for this summer. the strangest part is that the same thing happened to her best friend and roommate not 3 months ago.

i read the most amazing book today. for some reason, i cried, a lot, at the end. it was not really a sad ending. and not so happy that it caused tears. i felt... nostalgic and bittersweet. i felt like i was crying about many things, but i couldn't place what they were.

i've had some humbling little reminders lately. first, a story from a friend about an engaged couple who had to move apart one month before they were married [in february]. then in march, they got married, but are still separated by several states. second, my boss, who was called in the middle of the night and told he was next on the list for a lung transplant. he rushed to the hospital and prepared to have a double surgery...but it fell through and he is back to the waiting game.

i can't thank God enough for his faithfulness.

and so begins the week of change...

we have a prospect, a very good one, and by tomorrow at this time life might be so much lighter. the heavy burden may be lifted!

some random man just came to the door to talk to ruth - he cut his finger and described it in great detail for me to hear. i am sitting downstairs in a stretched out yellow tank top with a purple bra, waiting for him to leave so i can go back to my room.

one week from now i will be with my husband again. i realized that some things have been blurred without him, and some more pronounced. i hope this time apart makes our reunion that much sweeter, and our time together more precious and appreciated.

i met some great people today. i want to see them again, but i don't know where i am supposed to be. socializing is not my priority.

75 days till camp. i don't know if i can wait that long.

a welcome turn of events. or at least a change of heart.

Thank You, for helping me to love life right now.

[Especially when I had planned to spend my evening as a girl in a post-dumped-by-boyfriend scene...with a chic flick, pint of ice cream, and tissues.]

Thank You, for old, dear friends and last-minute plans.

Thank You for giving me peace.

Thank You for providing me with an amazing week in the summer, and a wonderful group of people who support me all year.

Thank You.

so long my friends[s]

where have you gone, my friends? you exist to me now mostly in cyberspace, as i check your blogs religiously. and this is how i keep up on your lives. this is how i find out that 3 of you are taking a trip this weekend, when i might be left here to fend for myself. fortunately, i've gotten better at doing so.

it's funny how i seem to have disappeared, when i am no longer leaving. it should be the other way around.

i need my husband. i'm lost.

for andrew AND jen both. in different ways. and the same.

i'm tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here
so tired of being alone
so hurry up and get here

you'll be so good
you'll be so good for me
oh i know you'll be so good
for me