Sunday, March 30, 2008

a most successful day.

Not only did I break my 'record' for longest time/distance/most calories burned on the treadmill today


got so much homework done


I only have little things to do before class next weekend


I can enjoy s'mores [ok, one s'more] on Wednesday night with friends


I can hang out with my dear friend Mel on Thursday night!!!

I am pretty darn excited. Like you couldn't already tell.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

my laugh of the day

i'm so productive.
i went to barnes and noble and enjoyed a comfy chair and coffee while i worked for over 3 hours.
and even though i have a LOT of work left to do before class next weekend,

i am not stressed!
i'm actually really excited about the work ahead of me.
to quote my friend Crystal, who knew??

Thursday, March 27, 2008

this is it.

i know i have these flaws:
- i take everything personally
- even when it's 'business'
- i worry WAY too much
- i make myself sick from worry
- i leave work and can't let go of the stress
- the stress of it carries through into my evenings and makes me unhappy

so here is what i think [know] that i need to do.
i need to let go.
it's that simple.

so i am going to write down all of my stresses, worries, etc.
and post them on here
and let go.

which i know won't be easy
but i really need to do it.

[AND the stupidest thing is that i won't even be at my job next year. i will be at a new and hopefully much improved one!]

so here's all the work shit that i hate and need to let go of:
1. the book fair. i could write so much, but what's the point. it's [mostly] in the past.

2. next year - they are potentially adding 190 minutes of teaching to my already packed schedule
yet they have taken away 38% of my budget for next year
and will probably take away my assistant for at least 30 minutes who is now only here for 3 3/4 hours anyways.

3. this meeting i have next week - so i've been working here for 4 years now and ordering books and supplies and been running the library successfully for that long. but all of a sudden i [not any other librarian] has to have a big meeting with an administrator so i can show her all of my purchases and explain exactly why i need to order each item before i order them...and why? who the hell knows.

4. i need to STOP TALKING to people about all this crap and just think about the present day, and my personal life, and the promising future....i keep blabbing about these things to people at work, and they don't really care anyways, and then i get upset and sick again.

seriously, i detest my job. i'm sure you can see why. [plus the other things i posted below!]

i just need to let it go
and relax
and pray for the right job for september.


i am dying cause i am so stressed
everyone keeps saying to not worry about it
but i think it's a big deal
and i am still not totally sure what is going on today
but i am being interviewed
and observed when i teach
and my principal doesn't even care
when i came in today i asked him what was happening
and he said he didn't know
and don't worry about it


i am WAY too sensitive for my own good
'i don't want to do the same thing twice everyday'
how about the same thing TEN TIMES a week?
and why am i so stupid
that i try to talk about it
when i should keep my mouth shut
because i know that no one understands.
no one.
and no one cares
because they have stuff to do, too.
i can't do this anymore.
i don't enjoy it.
so how many days left?
i'm not sure.
less than 90
that doesn't sound too bad.
i really
hope and pray
that i can find something else
that makes me happy.


i feel attacked
and like i am being forced into something i don't want to do
i don't think people know this about me
but i HATE being told what to do
especially on such a large scale
why does everyone care about money so much?
i find it ridiculous
and disgusting
that my $43,000 salary can't buy me a home
or help me raise a family
and that i 'need to' or 'should' be trying to make as much money as i can
and my husband makes that much too
so really, then everyone is saying
our $80,000+ income
isn't enough?
we need to make six figures in order to survive?
to buy a house?
to AFFORD to have children?
i don't want to AFFORD to have kids
i just want to have them
and stay home with them
in our HOUSE
i don't want to waste
on a degree that I DON'T EVEN WANT.
F you and your degree requirements
all of you


why does this happen every year. i feel like an idiot. is it my fault? why do you treat me like crap? i can't figure out if i am screwing up or if you are. what the hell. i don't understand why everything must be so complicated.
it's not personal, it's business.
that only means it's not personal to YOU. it is personal to me.

Monday, March 24, 2008

"Books can ignite fires in your mind, because they carry ideas for kindling, and art for matches."

Gary D. Schmidt (Lizzie Bright and the Buckminster Boy)

Friday, March 14, 2008

i need sanity. therefore, a list.

here is what i need and want to do this weekend:
1. read a few articles and write reviews/applications for them for grad school
2. read a couple books
3. hang out with stacy
4. hang out with my hubby :)
5. hang out with andrea
6. work out for at least 90 minutes
7. relax
8. finalize plans for next week with my friends
9. finalize plans for next week with my family
10. watch a movie
11. shop for a new outfit
12. shop for a new purse
13. get a money order.
14. sleep

yeah. better get cracking on #6 right now!

Friday, March 07, 2008


Going to visit the in-laws and order my dress this weekend! I SOOO need a change of scenery after my week from hell. One more full week and then spring break, hooray!

I went to the Philly Flower Show! It totally rocked. No, literally, the theme was 'Jazz it Up!'

My fav from day #1 won Project Runway!