this is it.

i know i have these flaws:

- i take everything personally

- even when it's 'business'

- i worry WAY too much

- i make myself sick from worry

- i leave work and can't let go of the stress

- the stress of it carries through into my evenings and makes me unhappy

so here is what i think [know] that i need to do.

i need to let go.

it's that simple.

so i am going to write down all of my stresses, worries, etc.

and post them on here

and let go.

which i know won't be easy

but i really need to do it.

[AND the stupidest thing is that i won't even be at my job next year. i will be at a new and hopefully much improved one!]

so here's all the work shit that i hate and need to let go of:

1. the book fair. i could write so much, but what's the point. it's [mostly] in the past.

2. next year - they are potentially adding 190 minutes of teaching to my already packed schedule

yet they have taken away 38% of my budget for next year

and will probably take away my assistant for at least 30 minutes who is now only here for 3 3/4 hours anyways.

3. this meeting i have next week - so i've been working here for 4 years now and ordering books and supplies and been running the library successfully for that long. but all of a sudden i [not any other librarian] has to have a big meeting with an administrator so i can show her all of my purchases and explain exactly why i need to order each item before i order them...and why? who the hell knows.

4. i need to STOP TALKING to people about all this crap and just think about the present day, and my personal life, and the promising future....i keep blabbing about these things to people at work, and they don't really care anyways, and then i get upset and sick again.

seriously, i detest my job. i'm sure you can see why. [plus the other things i posted below!]

i just need to let it go

and relax

and pray for the right job for september.